Register Login Contact Us

Passive aggressive people in relationships, Fatties relationship looking up guy aggressive for people

Posted August 2, Reviewed by Kaja Perina.

iceland sex meeting

Online: Yesterday


Passive-aggressiveness is a learned response to the home life dynamic experienced in youth. The adult passive-aggressive grew up in a home with too many rules to count; strict, regimented laws, no chance at personal adventures. This cycle will continue into adulthood, if never addressed. Passive-aggressiveness includes the obvious passive, withdrawn or apathetic approach to relationships.

Years: I am 27

Views: 1590

submit to reddit

Much stress in life comes from interactions with colleagues, family, and friends who are less-than-direct. Particularly stressful is being on the receiving end of a passive-aggressive person. Passive-aggressive behavior, in my opinion, is the most destructive to the health of a relationship.

It is a form of manipulation. It's indirect and dishonest. Anyone can be passive-aggressive at times. We exhibit this behavior aggressive we're too unassertive to speak directly and truthfully for whatever our reasons. Passive-aggressive people resist you in covert ways, like the angry person who slams the door - but says nothing with words, or the person who sighs dramatically about something they are displeased with - but says nothing.

Other typical conscious or unconscious behaviors include:. Because this kind of behavior is covert, you may not be able to put your finger on what's bothering you about an interaction. This is one reason it's so harmful. Someone who openly disagrees with you is easier to deal with than one who rolls her eyes when you present an idea in a meeting. Wouldn't you rather a co-worker who's upset with you tell you directly rather than talk about you behind your back?

Indirect attacks can be more exasperating than direct ones. Another reason passive-aggressive behavior is so harmful is because the behavior is so indirect you may think the problem is with you. For example, when your co-worker rolled her relationships you may have assumed your idea was stupid rather than considering the possibility that she's too unassertive to communicate her reservations about your idea directly to you. A key to understanding passive-aggressive behavior is to realize that it's an attempt to get even with you; it's an indirect expression of anger or frustration.

Apparently your co-worker feels the need to discredit your idea and doesn't have the courage to do it passive. To people with this behavior you'll need to expose it. Here's one very effective three-step surfacing technique:.

Search form

I'm wondering if that means you disagree with me. Do you have a problem with my idea? Let's say you have a customer who says, "Your employees were over yesterday and they actually did a good job! Is he being indirect because saying something negative is difficult for him?

To clarify the customer's real message you could say,"Gee, Todd, it sounds like what you're really saying is that they usually don't do a good job. Is that right? This could open the door to get some honest feedback from him. Passive-aggressive behavior is very difficult for most of us to handle well, especially when the relationship is one of love, friendship or of power.

Learn to surface the passive-aggressive behavior in a non-defensive manner to create an opportunity to resolve the underlying issues. Then and only then can you know what you're dealing with. Remember, manipulation, such as passive-aggressive behavior, harms relationships.

What to do in the heat of the moment

Even though we all manipulate subconsciously or consciously at times, the real stress comes when you have someone in your life who manipulates you habitually. For instance, have you ever been on the receiving end of the stereotypical maternal manipulation to get you to visit more often,"I carried you for nine months and you can't come to visit your poor old mother once in awhile? Parents' manipulations carry extra punch given their authority status in your mind. Or, how about the co-worker who softens you up with a compliment, only to hit you up for a favor?

It turned out so much more creatively because of your ideas.

12 ways your passive-aggressiveness is slowly killing your relationships

I can hardly wait to get you involved in this next project. Here, let me tell you about it and get your input. When you believe you're being manipulated keep in mind that "it takes two to tango. But when will that happen? Why should they change? They're probably getting what they want through manipulation.

It works for them! A better option is changing your own reaction to the manipulator, such as using the above mentioned surfacing skill. If you still have a chronic manipulative person in your life, you are almost certainly part of the problem.

Focus on how you can change your reaction, something that is within your control. For manipulation to work two conditions must be present:. Manipulation must remain hidden. A person doesn't warn you before he manipulates you. He wouldn't say, "OK, I'm going to compliment you now but I don't really mean it.

I'm just softening you up so I can then ask a favor of you.

I don't know how this office could function without you. When could I get a few minutes of your time?

Passive-aggressive behavior destroys relationships

For manipulation to work, you must cooperate with the manipulator. When your mother uses the "I carried you for nine months" line, and you scurry over to visit her you are teaching her that manipulating you works. Or if you help the co-worker after he praised you, you're teaching him to say something nice to you and then you'll help him out. To deal with manipulation:. To diminish others' ability to manipulate you, you must take responsibility for your own complicity.

Since you have no power to make others be different less manipulative and since all you have true control over is your own choices, you must make the choice of exposing the manipulation and striving for the outcome in the situation that you desire or continue to dance the manipulative dance. When you consciously or unconsciously manipulate another person remember you are harming the relationship. Also, remember that manipulating someone means you are being indirect because:.

To change any behavior you must first be consciously aware that you are doing it and that you're uncomfortable with doing it. Without conscious awareness, you'll change nothing. To become more conscious, look for red flags that you might be manipulating:.

Regardless of why you're manipulating someone, the basic cure is to be assertively direct. This doesn't mean you need to be a bull-dozer in your directness.

Passive-aggression essential re

Just state what you think or feel and be sure to use the "I" message e. For over 25 years Jackie has deed and presented keynotes and workshops on stress management, diversity, workplace harassment, motivation, and communication skills. Take the 5-min. State your observations of the person's behavior to that person; 2.

State how you interpret your observations; 3. For manipulation to work two conditions must be present: 1.

To deal with manipulation: Identify your desired outcome in the situation. Exposing it is within your control.

However, her response back to you is beyond your control. With the co-worker you'll request he directly ask for the favor rather than couching it in a compliment.

How to stop passive aggression from ruining your relationship

I would much prefer you directly make your request. Don't confuse facts with judgments. You do something to get even with a person; E. Continue Reading. Business of Well-being. Featured Reading.

Subscribe up to 50, human resources executives, benefits directors, wellness directors, and other corporate wellness stakeholders. Thank you! Your submission has been received! Subscribe to our list for new content, industry news and insights, events, and more! You can unsubscribe at any time.

You are here

About Contact Articles. Privacy Policy. Powered by Global Healthcare Resources.