When thinking about compatibility in romantic relationshipswe might think about common interests and shared values and goals.
6 ways to make an introvert-extrovert relationship work
And if you want to take it to the next level, you might consult astrological birth charts or numerology too. Side note, but if anyone out there knows the best way to ask the person you've just started dating for their birth time, we would like to know. Another factor when it comes to compatibility is personality, like being an introvert or an extrovert. When you're in a relationship with someone who seems like the polar opposite of youit can seem like a red flag.
But, hey, sometimes, opposites attract and you might find yourself an extrovert dating an introvert or vice versa. To keep the relationship healthy and growingit's all about creating a balance. Introverts and extroverts have different needs and ways of fulfilling those needs.
Loving your introverted or extroverted spouse
That comes up all the time in relationships. To figure out how to navigate that tension, we asked Heck and two other therapists for their tips, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. Introverts tend to get classified as people who are timid, anti-social, or even nervous, but that can be an overgeneralization.
If you're an introvert, you might need more time to recharge after spending time with others, explains Joanna Filidor, LMFT, peer consultant and Talkspace therapist. That doesn't necessarily mean you are anti-social—you just need more alone time to energize and you might enjoy the company of others in more intimate settings. For those who are in a relationship with an introvert, she says being able to understand those needs and providing space for them can be valuable.
How to stay married to an extrovert when you’re an introvert
An extrovert might want to unwind by going out and spending time with lots of friends. Heck says, "The extrovert comes home and they are exhausted by their workweek and they're looking at their partner and looking in the fridge and they're like, 'I just don't want to eat at home tonight, I want to go out. Not only do I want to go out, but I want to call six of my closest friends and I want to meet up at the local noisy and packed bar and grill, and I want to be out until three o'clock in the morning and then maybe head over to somebody's house for an after-party.
If you're in a relationship with an extrovert, it will be helpful to give them space to talk things out, since some might feel the need to express their emotions in real time in order to process and address any issues. If one person values alone time while the other feels fulfilled by going out and being in big groups of people, it might seem that that can lead to a lot of conflict or differences. This is where compromise comes in and communication.
Here are a couple of things to be mindful of…. It's important to remember that conflict is natural and unavoidable in relationships.
Introverts and extroverts deal with conflict differently. If an introverted person can express their needs and desired outcomes to their partner, their partner can be aware of this and not take this personally but instead understand why the individual may sometimes need some space.
I married an extrovert: how i handle our differences
To help both parties, Filidor recommends a to minute break so everyone can self-regulate. It will give the introvert more time to process, while the time won't seem too long for the extrovert who wants to deal with the issue head-on. Like any relationship, communication is key. That includes letting your partner know your needs and preferences so they don't misread a situation.
Married to an introvert – tips for extroverts
This goes hand-in-hand with both points above. It's important to respect and understand each other's preferences and boundaries, especially when it comes to conflict or disagreements. That also means respecting your introvert partner's need for alone time, or your extrovert partner's need to go out and see friends. I mean, how many times have you read that or been told that? It can be impossible to change someone—and inadvisable.
Things can get tough for introvert-extrovert couples in social settings.
The extrovert might want to mingle about the room at the party and talk to everyone, while the introvert might want to sit down and talk to just a few people. This can lead to feelings of abandonment or frustration. Heck says it's important to have a game plan for these situations and understand what's the goal for the event or night. She says that might mean having a conversation before the party or event, where the introvert might ask the extrovert if they can spend some time together alone in a corner for a bit, and then once they've had some quality time, the extrovert can make a lap around the room and socialize.
That's where miscommunication happens.
How to stay married when you're an introvert and he's an extrovert
So it might just be saying, 'What's the objective of tonight? When an extrovert wants to spend a lot of time with a lot of people and an introvert prefers smaller, intimate settings, you both might miss connecting with each other.
It's like the scenario above, where you're at a party and the introvert partner is hanging back, while the extrovert is walking around the room—you're going to miss spending time together. So it's all about compromise here. Heck suggests that couples "be more intentional about trying to find things that they can do together that they both really enjoy so that they are getting that balance.
It's not all smooth sailing if you're in an introvert-introvert or extrovert-extrovert relationship. Just because you have similar personalities and preferences doesn't mean there won't be some conflict or issues that arise.
9 s you're in an introvert-extrovert relationship
Here's what to look out for…. Heck says introvert-introvert couples can be secluded, but they do want to connect with other people.
They might socialize by inviting another couple over and have a nice quiet evening entertaining them. But when it comes to conflict, there can be some avoidance. To address this, it is necessary for both partners to become active participants in these moments of conflict resolution. There are many tools and steps a couple can take to learn how to confront these challenging issues.
Filidor's advice for these types of couples? Heck says extroverts are rarely at home and normally will be out with lots of friends, which might mean that sometimes they might not get a lot of alone time together. So, being able to carve some quality time apart from social situations is important for these couples. As for conflict, it can get heated. What to keep in mind if you're in an extrovert-extrovert relationship? Create a routine to wind down with one another, take turns speaking, and self-regulate when conflict becomes reactive," Filidor recommends.
This story was originally published at an earlier date and has been updated.
John M. If You're an Introvert in a Relationship. If You're an Extrovert in a Relationship.
What to Do in an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship. Deal With Conflict.
Understand Their Needs. Don't Try to Change Them.
Align Goals in Social Settings. Find Things to Do Together. Introvert-Introvert Couples. Extrovert-Extrovert Couples. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to be used in the place of advice of your physician or other medical professionals.
You should always consult with your doctor or healthcare provider first with any health-related questions. See our full health disclaimer here. Explore More: Wellness relationship advice relationship tips Relationships. Related Stories.