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Perhaps this feeling was amplified because I was a single parent before my son was even born.

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We struggled with money, divorce, and fights on top of all the typical family dynamics. My mom was, at the time, living on a farm co-op and working nights at a ski resort. My father was on the brink of moving in with his mother and dissolving our long-time family mining and gemstone business. Despite this, I moved home to Maine to have my son and to be with family.

Briefly, the nostalgia I felt clouded over the reality of living in a small, dying mill town with parents who were still trying to figure their own things out. When the clouds parted, I was ready to move back to New York.

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Everyone offering to babysit, buying things for us, and listening to me try to plan our future. My parents put their own deep seeded animosity to the side, briefly, to support me. This was a miracle; it made me feel like anything was possible. My mother, who was happiest in nature and by herself, agreed to move to the city that never sleeps, to help me. She was willing to live in a rather small apartment in Washington Heights with me, a friend from college, and my new baby. Her sacrifice will never be underestimated. Not by me, my son, or by her.

It is also, occasionally, at the root of our disagreements. Eight years and three apartments later, we are still living together. Our roles are cemented. I am the provider and navigator of New York. She brings my son to and from school and babysits whenever I ask. I cook and she does dishes.

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I am silly and she is more serious. We jostle over household decisions, each of us thinking we know best — or perhaps — deserve the bigger say. Like a couple, we have shows we watch together and favorite restaurants we order from. Either way, I was angry with her.

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This led to a blow-up reminiscent of my teenage years. A few months later, my son was showing s of anger that scared us both. Separately, we wondered if he was feeding off of our energy, the tension that was still there.

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We went to therapy — for my son of course — but in the end, it helped our relationship the most. I heard her, for maybe the first time, talk about feeling overwhelmed with the chores she was responsible for in our family. I wanted to be married and in a house. She wanted to be working toward retirement and living on a beach. Neither of those things was a possibility for us at the time, and maybe we blamed each other. In therapy, we learned to stop blaming each other and to make room for our relationship as mother and daughter — not co-parents or caregivers.

I tried to plan things for the two of us to do together and to let go of old grudges. She worked on not stepping on my toes when I was being a mom and to treat me like an adult. Living together as we have, off and on, for nearly 30 years.

The one constant has been that we both make a big deal of holidays. Traditionally, we show each other appreciation in the form of gifts and a well-worded card. This year, I hope to give her something different.

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I want to give her a little hope that, although she will always have a home with me, I am also okay on my own. I need her, perhaps, in a different way. But my life is full now and stable — thanks in large part to her. in. Forgot your password?

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